


Avant Ski

by Rod



Series: Parallel Lines [28]
Category: Veritas: The Quest
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 19:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rod/pseuds/Rod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cal knows what's hit him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avant Ski

Cal knew he was screwed from the moment Dr Zond told him to chaperone Nikko. If it had been hard to put Nikko out of his mind when he had work to bury himself in, he had thought, it would be damn near impossible when he was actually supposed to be watching Nikko.

Now that they've arrived at Jackson Hole, that sinking feeling is just getting worse. Somehow or other they've ended up in a luxury lodge — Cal senses Nikko's self-indulgence at work — and already it's taking all of Cal's willpower not to imagine Nikko draped bonelessly over the furniture.

"Nice," he says neutrally, dumping his bags on the floor of the lounge. It's more than nice. There's a real fire that someone has lit ready for them, a huge fluffy rug laid out in front of it, massive over-stuffed furniture, soft lighting, tasteful decor, and Cal can't think of a single extra thing that would make it look more like the set of a porn movie.

"It's even got a kitchenette," Nikko says, bundling in behind him. "Not that I expect us to be cooking or anything."

"Not that you can cook," Cal mutters, and wanders off to look over his prison for the next seven nights. He knows that he'll end up with the smaller bedroom that way, but he doesn't care. As long as he's got somewhere he can hide away, he can survive this holiday. Somehow. He doesn't know how yet, but he's got to believe that he can do it.

Five minutes later, as he tracks down the bags that Nikko has so thoughtfully moved for him, Cal knows that he is so far beyond screwed that it isn't funny.

"Nikko," he says unsteadily, "there's only one bedroom."

Nikko doesn't even look round from where he's unpacking his ski gear. "Uh-huh," he says helpfully.

"There's only one damn _bed!_ " Cal says, and yes, that was a touch of hysteria in his voice.

"I know." Nikko finishes hanging up his salapettes and finally turns to Cal. He isn't sporting the devilish grin that Cal knows and hates from every time Nikko has ever put one over on him. No, it's much worse than that; Nikko is smiling softly, like he means it.

"We can't..." Cal starts, before he chokes on the words. He's shaking like a leaf because he knows what's going to happen, and it's the worst thing he could possibly do, and he knows that there's no way he's going to be able to stop himself. He tries again anyway: "We mustn't..."

"We can," Nikko says calmly, slowly walking towards Cal like he was some wild animal that might spook and run, and Cal's not entirely sure that wouldn't be the best thing to do. "And you know what, I think we must too."

"We must?" Cal asks uncertainly.

"Uh-huh," Nikko tells him. It's too late to run now, Nikko's right up in his personal space, and Cal can't make himself back away.

"You haven't forgotten, have you?" Nikko carries on, quiet and determined. "Every time you see me, you think of that alley. Every time I enter the room, you know it. We're not together, and I'm still distracting you. Know how I know that?"

Cal shakes his head, not trusting his voice any more.

"I know because I'm exactly the same. All the time I'm thinking of you. Whenever Dad comes in with some new puzzle to work on, all I see is the way your eyes light up. When you're off on a mission, all I can think of is that you might never know, I might never find out if you really..."

And that hurts, because Nikko's the one always putting himself in danger, and he never seems to care that a little bit of Cal dies every time he thinks Nikko might not be coming back. But Nikko's right in his face now, and he's talking again before Cal can get it together.

"Well, now I can find out. We can find out. There's no Veritas here, no work to be distracted from. Just us. A whole week of just us. A whole week to find out if this thing of ours is real."

Cal wants it to be real, oh how he wants it to be real, but somehow he manages to summon up the last vestiges of his willpower. "No," he says, almost to quietly to hear.

Nikko hears. Stops. Blinks. "No?" he asks, suddenly uncertain.

"We can't." It almost kills Cal to get the words out, but he knows he has to. "Even if it's real, there's too much riding on us. What the Foundation's doing... Nikko, if we're right, the _world's_ riding on what we do. We can't let 'us' get in the way of that. We've got to forget about all this, we can't afford not to."

Nikko is standing there looking at him strangely, and Cal tries to make believe that what he's seeing is teenage pride and wounded vanity. He knows better, and even the pretence fails him when Nikko looks down and lets his shoulders slump. "I'll take the couch," he says, no fight left in his voice.

Cal manages to hold himself together while Nikko slowly trudges out of the bedroom, then his knees give way. He sits heavily on the bed and tries to make himself believe that this is all worth it.

He wishes that all the clues weren't telling them that something critically important was going to happen in a very few years. He wishes that there was someone else — anyone else — who could do what they do, and who they could trust with the End Of The World. He wishes... he doesn't know what he wishes, but he hates it that he even has to be telling himself all this. He hates it that he's had to rip his heart out again for the Foundation, and this time he's ripped out Nikko's as well. It's the only way, though, and he can only hope that the pain will lessen over time. He can't afford to be distracted by Nikko, and Nikko can't afford to be distracted by him. That's all there is to it.

It takes a long moment for Cal to pull himself together. He doesn't want to go out and face the world, but he will because he owes Nikko that much. He will do what he can to make this easier for him.

He stops in the lounge doorway. Nikko is curled up in one of the armchairs facing away from him, and Cal can almost feel the misery radiating off him. It takes Nikko a moment to realise that Cal's standing there, and a moment more to square his shoulders before turning round. He offers up a weak, fake smile, and Cal can see the track marks of tears that he's trying to hide.

"Sorry," Nikko says. He's trying to sound like he's OK, like the old Nikko that nothing ever sticks to, and there are other words but Cal doesn't hear them. He can tell how false that front is, how badly Nikko is hurting, and he knows like a physical kick in the gut how wrong he was. This moment will never leave him; every time he looks at Nikko he will know that he did this, he broke something irreplaceable.

Nikko seems to run out of words. "Cal?" he asks tentatively.

Cal takes two strides across the room, grabs Nikko and kisses him. It's everything that he remembered, everything his dreams have been taunting him with, and now he's sure.

"Sorry," he says when they break for air, Nikko looking at him with a mixture of wonder and fear. "You were right. We can't do this, but we can't not do this either."

"We what? Make sense, Cal."

Cal isn't fooled. He can hear the 'don't hurt me' in Nikko's voice, and it kills him to have been the one to put it there.

"I'm sure," he says, answering the unspoken question. "We'll see what we've got this week, and we'll make it work somehow. Because you never give up." He smiles wryly at that last, but Nikko doesn't.

"And afterwards," Nikko asks. "What happens when we're back under Dad's eagle eye?"

"I don't know," Cal admits. "We'll figure something out, even if it means hiding it from everyone else." Nikko nods, the fear draining out of him, and Cal relaxes enough to smile at him properly. "Hey, I'm supposed to be a genius, and you're not so shabby yourself."

"Because we've done so well this far," Nikko says, but there's a twinkle in his eye. The brat is back, and if Cal needed any more proof that he's doing the right thing he only needs to remember how long it's been since he felt this happy.

"Anyway," Nikko says, poking Cal in the chest, "you've got a lot of making up for lost time to do."

Cal would argue the point, but he's too busy kissing Nikko back.


End file.
